There’s a large group of people right now who feel they lack the charisma, magnetism, or Gary Vee-type motormouth to have a voice in today’s world, especially now that it’s drowning in AI slop.
But what we actually need aren’t louder voices. We need more spacious ones.
Most people think of voice in two ways:
- What you say
- What you write
I’ve spent a decade helping people with both.
But there’s a third voice. It’s always been there. It’s just a matter of time (soon approaching) where it will be the most important one:
The voice of presence.
The voice of presence is what emanates to others when they’re around you. Not what you say or write. What you emanate.
You know what I’m talking about:
- People who make you feel calm, safe, or covered.
- People who make you feel you could climb Everest or run through a wall.
- And… people who make you want to bang your head against a wall.
I’ve met people who can deliver perfectly crafted speeches or write like Shakespeare and still struggle to sell, grow an audience, or land the job.
My suspicion is they’re using just two of three voices. Or, the third one is so janky, anxious, or desperate that the other two get drowned out.
It always shows up. Always.
Come on, Really? A Voice of Presence?
If you’re not convinced this is real, let’s take this down to a real personal level.
Anyone who has lost a loved one or ended a meaningful relationship has felt the vacuum of that person being gone.
It’s why people choose to fly across the world to sit at the bedside of a passing relative rather than just talk to them through FaceTime.
It’s why the feeling of a bed being empty after you’ve shared it with someone for years hits you harder than you anticipated. It’s why someone sleeps on the couch when a couple fights — they can’t even be in each others presence while tensions are still high.
Presence is not metaphorical, it’s material. It has weight.
***
Allow me to share “where” I’m coming from in my perspectives: a blend of three perspectives shaped by my life experiences, from most recent to earliest.
I’ve spent the past 13 years in marketing. Anyone good at marketing should get an honorary degree in psychology, because it’s 90% of the job. You learn to read people, filter out noise, see who someone actually is beyond what they say, what they ask for, what they’re trying to project or perform.
My younger years in church. I’ve sat through more than 3,000 services and been on a stage of some kind over a thousand times. Much of that time was spent leading music, before the days of the concert venue, karaoke + TED Talk services that are common now. Less theatrics, more attentiveness, more reading the room to feel what was happening beneath the surface.
Third, I was one of about five Asian kids in my grade. I’ve faced my fair share of feeling like an outsider, being made fun of because my last name was a girl’s name, and racism.
These experiences have shaped how I read people. Energy. Vibes. What’s being said without words. The book of unwritten rules.
Now that you understand that I’m a jambalaya of commercialized messaging, spiritual narratives, and dealing with ignorant fools, let me say this:
You Do Not Need to Be “Best Actor or Actress in a Leading Role”
Every week, I come across someone I’ve never heard of before with millions of followers or subscribers.
The point isn’t just that it’s easier for non-performative people to gain a big following, even if it is. One of my favorites is Dewayne from Dry Creek Wrangler School, who currently has 1.6M subscribers.
This dude just sits on a chair at his ranch, smokes a pipe, and doles out life wisdom to men. No music or flashy edits. You just feel this guy’s presence. If Bob Ross was still alive and had a YouTube channel, I imagine it would be like Dewayne’s.
My other real point here is that having a big following isn’t that impressive anymore. People have caught on to the game of vanity metrics and influencers. They want real.
Now, this doesn’t mean you can just Zen out and expect your business to grow, or that you’ll land a promotion, or the love of your life will magically show up at your door.
It’s still important to dress the part and say the right things at the job interview or on the first date. One last story:
Me to a Pastor: “Do You Want to Be Famous?”
Many years ago, I was attending a church some people I grew up with went to. They told the pastor I was in marketing and might be able to help the church in some way.
A few weeks later, he and his executive pastor (COO, for those who aren’t familiar with the modern church) asked me to lunch.
Over the months I attended, I found the pastor’s preaching to be raw, a bit unpolished, more passion than clarity.
He was a lot more vulnerable than most preachers, and while I personally found it cringey at times, to some extent it was working: his congregation grew to several hundred people.
At lunch, one of their first questions was, “Mike, how do we grow the church’s Facebook page?”
“Guys,” I said, “I respect what both of you have been doing, but I’m pretty direct and to the point. I don’t think you really care about the Facebook page. I think you care about more people coming to church, right?”
They chuckled. They admitted, “Yeah, if you put it that way, yes.”
“Okay. Great. Before I answer that question, let me ask a second one.” I leaned forward.
“Do you wanna be very influential and famous as a pastor, for your influence to grow way beyond your church?
I’m asking because I’ve noticed in your sermons that you mention third culture generation and pastors’ conferences a lot. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I can only really help you if we’re talking openly.”
After some more chuckles, he finally admitted yes. I believed he was in it for the right reasons.
So I offered some thoughts, promising I had no skin in the game other than to help them based on my experiences.
“The communication needs to level up,” I said. “I’ve helped some influential people with their speeches, keynotes, books –– places where words really matter.”
I continued, “You often say things that are an overreach, both theologically and just from a communications standpoint. I can say this because I went to seminary.
“For example, the other week you said from the stage that ‘God’s two favorite things are…’ Whatever you put at the end of that sentence cannot be true.”
“About a month ago, your Executive Pastor came on stage with a laundry rack and told the congregation they should stop using their dryers and use clotheslines and racks instead because God wants us to care for the environment.”
We live in a sound bite culture. If you were famous and said something like that, you’d get destroyed online because it simply doesn’t hold up.”
I also recommended he change his headshot and not wear a green argyle sweater. We had a good laugh about that.
That was the first and last time we had lunch, but from what I can tell they are still trucking along and doing their thing. From what I could tell, this guy had a good presence. It was his speaking and writing voice that needed work.
Again, all three are important.
***
If you’ve been doing a lot of inner work I commend you. Work on your spoken and written voice.
If you’ve been working on your spoken and written voice but aren’t seeing results, it might be time to work on what’s really going on inside you.
Those who develop all three: your voice will be loud and clear… even if you’re the strong and silent type. Your time is coming.
I am not promising you fame, attention, or even wealth. But I am promising you Opportunity, with a capital “O.” It’s up to you to seize it.
Vox Clara: A New Series
In the next few issues, I’ll further unpack this topic of voice in a series I’m calling Vox Clara, a Latin term that refers to a voice that’s clear, resonant, and distinct.
Several months ago, I set a goal of writing this newsletter for six months. I’m now just three weeks away from completing that goal. My commitment is to continue and let it evolve, so I hope you’ll stay along for the ride.
If you know anyone who might benefit from this upcoming series, please invite them to subscribe at mikekim.com/newsletter.
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